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BjLx19
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Name: Brian
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Pittsburgh
Birthday: 6/19/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Wicked
singing, theater, books, reading, emo/punk music, any music, animals, geography, writing, tattoos, piercings
Expertise: Being the friend and sometimes obliviousness.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
AIM:  BjLx19
Member Since:
10/19/2003
 Lifetime
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| QUOTES |
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| For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. -Rainer Maria Rilke
Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.
Dreams come true; without that possibility nature never would have incited us to have them.
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. -Anais Nin |
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| Ok so. Have you ever watched a movie and realized that everything that is happening in the movie is something that you, in some way, envisioned as part of your future? And I'm talking about movies about reality not crazy movies. I am talking about those movies that have moments in them where you just think...that's what I've always wanted. It is just something that you feel deep down that you know you want..and no matter how hard you try you can never seem to find it or get it right. Our friends who are in relationships ask for our advice and we bring up this checklist that is mostly what we think it should be.
I know there a lot of us out there that feel this way. We all go through these relationships and break ups and then there is the recovery period. Some people will only do this once or twice or three times. But once you hit that certain age, typically the mid-twenties, you feel it somewhere in your head and heart that you should be finding the one. When you find that person you realize it. You have wished and hoped and waited for that person to come a long and just take you away and sometimes you don't even realize it until one day it just smacks you on the head.
Sometimes I want that to happen and sometimes I feel like it already did a long, long time ago but somehow wrenches get thrown into the works. You then have to work around those and try and find a new light...Sometimes that new light that you find, that new person to be in those movie snapshots, is unattainable for whatever reason but you can't help feeling that it's that person who, given the opportunity, could complete you. And you realize that the relationships you had before them were ones that were a lot like love but they weren't what you were feeling in the present moment with the new person.
What you are feeling at the present moment is like you are moving forward and backward at the same time. You feel as though up is down and down is up. Your head is spinning and your heart is soaring and everything that you have ever experienced in your life becomes ultimately clear to you. Those 'a lot like love' loves were nothing compared to this.
You can gain this clarity without that someone I guess, but having that person makes it all the better. And for those of us that haven't found that simultaneously forward/backward kind of feeling...hopefully one day we will. Until we do though we have our 'a lot like love' things to have...or look forward to...or dream about, and when that moment comes for that real love, we'll know it. Because the checklist of adjectives and feelings gets full marks and then you just know....
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| I am writing this to one of the most important people in my life. My best friend from high school and the person who has always been there no matter what was going on in my life. Even when my parents and I weren't talking at all.
It began back in second grade....we didn't really know each other but that is my earliest memory of this girl. Spelling Bees were a tradition at our elementary school just as they were at many elementary schools. One of them we all got down to the final round. Even though I didn't know it then this girl would become my closest friend to know everyone of my secrets. In fourth grade we joined the elementary band. I played the trumpet and she played the clarinet. Summer lessons were like a mini band camp. Class was funny cuz we wouldn't stop talking.....needless to say that never stopped. We moved up into the high school and clung closer because of all the upperclassmen.
Speaking of upperclassmen I can remember a certain neighbor of hers that she always wanted....well l talked to him one day....it was interesting....then there was another upperclassmen....and he was involved in track...well I told him that she had a crush on him and it was one of those times when I made her cry...but come his graduation I was the one who got her a picture with him.
There were times through out high school when I was a complete ass and didn't realize until it took me to almost losing her and a couple of my other friends. Our junior and senior years were the times when we got completely settled into our friendship and promised we would always be that way. And now three years after out graduation we are still best friends. Last night we had a conversation about her wedding set for next year. Her family isn't going. Well actually. one of them is. Me. I'm going. I am going to give my best friend away at her wedding. One of the most important people in the world to me is becoming a woman of her own and I get to have one of the biggest roles in it. I just thank God that I was given someone like her. yes we have out disaggreements and she shakes her head at me and I shake mine at her but....in the end know that the other will always be there for support, encouragement, comfort, and Love. I will always know I have my Krystle.
You mean so much to me. Trust me. An encouraging word, a funny story, even the little hello on instant messenger, can brighten my day. I couldn't have gotten here if it wasn't for you. When my parents got divorced you were there for me. When my parents were'nt talking to me you were there to hold my hand. I want you to know that I will be there to hold your hand through anything that life throws at you. You are one of the only people from high school that I keep in touch with and I think the most important one also. I love you. | | |
| I want to let you see inside me. It is not something that I let a whole lot of people do so here it is. I am the one who sits on the sidelines. I am the friend who is always there and I like being that....but sometimes it is at the expense of my own happiness and feelings. I sit and watch all of my friends in their relationships and I see how happy they are or how happy they are 'in the chase'. I watch and smile. Let them know how happy I am for them, while inside I hurt because that doesn't happen to me. I don't put myself in those situations because I don't want the hurt and I put myself in situations where it pains me everyday but it doesn't hurt me because it isn't a pain of being cheated on or being dumped. It is the pain of wanting what I can't have. I can't help who I have feelings for and I have had feeling for some people for an extended period of time...and no matter what I do they don't go away...even though I've gotten over the fact that I am never going to be the person on their arm.
There are two songs in the show that I am in right now that are perfect for this situation. One is 'There's a Fine, Fine Line' from Avenue Q. This song is completely true. There is that line between two people that can get blurry. Some lines that you know are definite..and can't be crossed. From the song there are some lyrics that mean a lot in this sense. 'There's a fine fine line between reality and pretend. You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime.' and 'And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.' and 'For my own sanity I've got to close the door and walk away...for good.' I have to start doing what I want and looking out for my personal life and not sacrificing myself for my friends...but that is how much my friends mean to me. That's why it is so hard when I start to get feelings for people I know I shouldn't have them for. I have to hide my emotions when they come around.
The other song is from Wicked and is called 'I'm Not that Girl'. Even though it is from a girl's point of view, this song can speak volumes to anyone. Lines from this song that jump out at me are: 'Don't wish. Don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart.' and 'Don't dream too far.' and 'Every so often we long to steal to the land of what might have been, but that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in.' And that is so completely true. I look at people and I see from the outside what it is like...but I don't experience it myself. I find myself with feeling things for people...and I know I shouldn't and it is hard to watch them with a person...knowing that I will never be that other person because I'm not their preferred gender.
I will only know the pain of wanting what I can't have and not the pain of a bad relationship because I don't let myself get into them. I fall for the people I know will never feel anything back. There is just the relationship in my head....I just deal with it the way I usually do....harden my heart and lose myself in a bottle on the weekends. | | |
| We are in the middle of rehearsals and we open in two weeks. I can't wait. And this is the time I start to miss the high school musicals. It is something that I love. Memories come back from all the shows I did. from my first in fourth grade being Guys & Dolls to my last Crazy For You. In that show I had 'the moment'. The moment is when you realize that this is your last show with those people. Your last performance with a cast full of your friends and singing opposite you was one of your closest friends. My moment happened in the middle of a song. When I was singing, 'They Can't Take That Away From Me' I realized that was the last time I would sing to Amanda and it was very emotional. I am so thankful that I have all those memories.
i hope this years cast in CH Guys & Dolls had their moments. and i wish you all luck in your futures. | | |
|  for my jackey g! | | |
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